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Grampy Bobby
Boston Lad

USA

Joined
14 Jul 07
Moves
43012
Clock
29 May 15

Originally posted by lemon lime
Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late[/b]

Say what?
Oh, and by the way... you could have put that little tidbit at the top of your list!


too late for what?
"(recent email forward from a friend)" presented verbatim out of respect for the unknown author's intent with the original sequence.

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
667618
Clock
29 May 15

Originally posted by lemon lime
[...]

too late for what?[/b]
probably too late to avoid infection by contaminated mouse...

The whole thing is not really funny. It relies on having understood that a lot of "news" are blown out of proportion to attract readers.

Ghost of a Duke

Joined
14 Mar 15
Moves
29244
Clock
02 Jun 15

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored bicycles.

Mammy Blue
Delicious Monster...

Joined
17 Sep 10
Moves
74460
Clock
03 Jun 15
1 edit

"When me and my wife get romantic, it's like Guy Fawkes."
"You mean it's all fireworks and noise?"
"No, once a year."

Mammy Blue
Delicious Monster...

Joined
17 Sep 10
Moves
74460
Clock
14 Jun 15

What does a man do when a catastrophe hits him?
He looks in his purse.
What does a woman do when a catastrophe hits her?
She looks in the mirror.

Grampy Bobby
Boston Lad

USA

Joined
14 Jul 07
Moves
43012
Clock
14 Jun 15
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Originally posted by Ponderable
probably too late to avoid infection by contaminated mouse...

The whole thing is not really funny. It relies on having understood that a lot of "news" are blown out of proportion to attract readers.
Healthy Mouse: ~~~~~~~~~O

"contaminated mouse": ~~~o

dead mouse in its casket: [~o]

Mammy Blue
Delicious Monster...

Joined
17 Sep 10
Moves
74460
Clock
15 Jun 15

A cop is taking his prisoner to the charge office when his cap is blown off by the wind.
"Can I get it for you?"asks the prisoner.
"You think I'm stupid? You wait just here, I'll get it myself!"

Mammy Blue
Delicious Monster...

Joined
17 Sep 10
Moves
74460
Clock
26 Jun 15

"Son, we have to have this sex talk thing right now."
"But Dad...!"
"That's right, and that's all. No butts."

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
667618
Clock
12 Jul 15

Originally posted by Mammy Blue
"Son, we have to have this sex talk thing right now."
"But Dad...!"
"That's right, and that's all. No butts."
A small boy is playing with his genitalia and aks his mom: Are these my brains?

she replies: Not yet!

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
667618
Clock
14 Jul 15
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A policeman is writing a ticket for a car which is parking in a no parking area. A man runs to him:

"I was just two minutes"
The policeman smiles and con´tinues.
"Believe me it was not longer"
The policeman looks at the tyres and says: "These have not enough profile." and commences to write a new ticket.
"My car has nearly new tyres" the man protests.
The policeman shakes his head and begins to see if he can find another reason for a complaint.

The man says: "If you don't believe me I will go now and drive my car home" and vanishes...

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
667618
Clock
17 Jul 15

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.

we are very efficient and we have no sense of humour.

Mammy Blue
Delicious Monster...

Joined
17 Sep 10
Moves
74460
Clock
19 Jul 15
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Uncle Bob (85) and aunt Mary (79) are going to be married soon.
While wandering around the town's mall they come across a pharmacy.
Uncle Bob walks in and asks to talk to the pharmacist.
"Do you sell headache pills, muscle spasma pills, ointments for bad backs?"
"yes we do," replies the pharmacist.
"Do you sell bandages, straps for dislocated shoulders, wheelchairs and walkers?"
"Of course," the puzzled pharmacist says.
"Do you handle prescriptions, over-the-counter pills?"
"Yes, but why do you ask?"
"We're looking for a good Bridal Gift shop."

r
Suzzie says Badger

is Racist Bastard

Joined
09 Jun 14
Moves
10079
Clock
19 Jul 15

biggest joke on RHP Shallow Blue

LEUR
TEXAS

STATE OF THE HEART

Joined
04 Nov 09
Moves
198473
Clock
19 Jul 15

Originally posted by moonbus
Two policemen call the precinct on the radio.
"Hello. Is that the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband dead
for walking on the floor she had just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."
Just told that to my wife who coincidentally was mopping our kitchen floor.
She didn't laugh but there was a wicked smile on her face as she shook her head "yes" for about three minutes.

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
667618
Clock
24 Jul 15

The door bell rings, the Lady of the house opens.

"Good morning, I am the piano tuner"
" I haven't ordered that service"
"Your neighbours did."

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