Jokes

I kicked my lover out and changed the locks. Now ships are backed up on both sides.

I tried to run an origami company, but it folded.

Then I tried selling typewriters, but there were too many returns.

Never invite a piranha to a white-tie event. Piranhas don't wear ties.

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop.


I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors.

A G-spot, multiple orgasms, and the right to vote? Really, women?!

Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers, is that true?
Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

My neighbour's mad at his wife again for sunbathing nude.

Personally, I'm on the fence.

@Earl-of-Trumps said
A G-spot, multiple orgasms, and the right to vote? Really, women?!

@Suzianne

If you say so. It'd be great if I could try it out someday. put on some virtual reality glasses and go at it 🙂

@Earl-of-Trumps said
@Suzianne

If you say so. It'd be great if I could try it out someday. put on some virtual reality glasses and go at it 🙂

@Suzianne said
How about giving birth, in full Pain-O-Vision®?

Or how about some dude finally getting it in and 30 secs later whispering in your ear "Wow, was that great for you too?"

Oh, please.

🙄

@MartinS said
30 seconds - you must be VERY VERY good or are lousy at picking your partners

😁


Edit

Sorry Suzianne I cannot help myself

It must be the latter because if your chess rating equals your performance in bed then...................................


Please take my post in the spirit it was intended; boring afternoon down here in Tasmania

@Suzianne said
Trust me, sweetie, performance over the board has zero relevance to performance in bed.

Although I have found that both, at least in males, involve an unsurprising amount of ironic bragging.



Although I must give kudos to your countrymen. I find them usually above average in the bedroom. *And* the best kisser I ever experienced was also Australian.

I'm suddenly ...[text shortened]... t be a win-win for me, politically and for my sanity. D'ya get a lot of snow there in Tasmania? 😀

@Suzianne said
Trust me, sweetie, performance over the board has zero relevance to performance in bed.

This is the "Jokes" thread...

mandatory joke:

I have a joke about time travel


but you didn't like it.

Meanwhile in news from Penzance, Cornwall …

A man who’s been addicted to brake fluid for years has now claimed he can stop anytime he wants to.

I found stir fry all over my bed this morning.

I must have been sleep wokking again.