Jokes

My neighbour couldn’t afford to pay her water bill.
I got her a “get well soon” card.🤔😲

Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?

Reese. With her spoon.

I really like my fingers and toes…because I know I can count on them.

Aren’t you wearing your ring on the wrong finger?
Yes, I married the wrong man.

@Torunn said
Prosecutor to Santa:

- Creeping around on rooftops after dark. Sackfuls of goods with no receipts. Not looking good is it?

🙂

Why did the old woman fall down a well?



Because she couldn’t see that well.

If one door closes and another one opens, your house is haunted and you need to run.

Why do lesbians leave their partners for Dwayne Johnson?

Because rock beats scissors every time. 😏

Cats bring you dead animals because they think you can't survive on your own.

@Ghost-of-a-Duke

This is supposed to be the Jokes thread, not the truth thread.

What's a cat's favorite dessert?

Chocolate mouse.

Liberals have two brains named Biden and Harris, ones lost and the other is out looking for it.

I asked a guy at the station when the next train was coming.

He said, "Have a look online!"

I said, "That's a bit dangerous isn't it?"

I asked the emergency room doctor if I could do my own stitches…he said, “suture yourself”.🤔

A cheese factory exploded in France.
Da Brie is everywhere.😲

The most disturbing thing about accidentally waking up at 4am is realising some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.