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@Ghost-of-a-Duke said
The most disturbing thing about accidentally waking up at 4am is realising some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.
That makes me feel a lot worse about getting off at 2 and waking at 4 🤦‍♂️

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@Great-Big-Stees said
I asked the emergency room doctor if I could do my own stitches…he said, “suture yourself”.🤔
Very nice 😄


The Bermuda Triangle was a rectangle until one side disappeared.🤔


Someone stole my identity... and then sent it back with £100 and a note that said, “So sorry man. Hope things work out."


@Ghost-of-a-Duke said
Someone stole my identity... and then sent it back with £100 and a note that said, “So sorry man. Hope things work out."
Thanks for the money.😉👍


Best thread 😄


I got a flat tire yesterday
There was a fork in the road.🤔😲😉

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Money for nothing.... and the chicks for free? 🙂


Our mountains aren’t just funny
They’re hill areas.🤔😁


When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.

When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a moray.


Do you know where I can get a toupee?
Not off the top of my head.🤔😉


I’ve never been married but
I’ve had a few Mrs.😲😉


Autopsy Club party here this Saturday
Open Mike night.

2 edits
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The Eiffel Tower and ticks
are both Paris sites.🤔

Edits: Damn autocheck 😡


Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader and became Ella Vader 😆

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