2 lengths of string enter a bar 1 orders a beer,the barman says are u a length of string the string replies yes,the barman say sorry mate we don't sell beer to lengths of string,the 2nd length starts contorting and twisting, then asks for a beer,the barman looks at him and says are you a length of string and he replies im a fraid not.
The current banking crisis explained by an Irishman Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'
Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 each and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £2 back.'
Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland .
Originally posted by phil3000A female officer of that stature ticketed my car the other day. She was lovely.
Some bloke knocked on my back door ,when I opened it there was a little chap of about 3 feet 3inches standing there . I said "who are you "? he said "I am the metre man " 😕