Jokes

i learned to eke out a living
i never learned to eke in anything

How do you fix a broken gorilla?

With a monkey wrench.

There's mayonnaise in one of my slippers.

“What the Hellmann?”

What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday? Forget it once.

Okay, that's the last time I donate blood. Way too many questions.

"Who's blood is this? How did you get it? Why is it in a bucket?"

@Ponderable
How do you fix a broken monkey?

With Gorilla Glue....

Learning English is difficult, but it can be taught through tough thorough thought though.

@pawnpaw said
Learning English is difficult, but it can be taught through tough thorough thought though.

I admit, when I challenged Death to a pillow fight, I wasn't prepared for the Reaper cushions.

In honour of the season:

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!

Is there a move used by pigs who take up karate called a pork chop?

"I wish to be happy," I foolishly told the genie.

Now I'm living with six dwarves and working down a mine.

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.
She replied "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace"
So I bought her nothing.

Okay, so a shark could definitely outswim me, but I'm pretty sure I could outrun a shark.

So, in a triathlon, it would probably come down to who was the better cyclist.

“I’ve really had it with my dog: he’ll chase anyone on a bicycle.”

“So what are you going to do – leave him at the dog’s home? Give him away? Sell him?”

“No, nothing that drastic. I think I’ll just confiscate his bike.”