Jokes

Heard around the water cooler:

First Man: "You know, I really married Ms. Right."

Second Man: "Oh, really?"

First Man: "Yeah, I just didn't know her first name was Always."

Originally posted by coquette
i tried to come up with a rational explanation for the essence of beauty, spiritual grandeur and love and i came to the realization that i was just rationalizing.

Originally posted by Suzianne
Heard around the water cooler:

First Man: "You know, I really married Ms. Right."

Second Man: "Oh, really?"

First Man: "Yeah, I just didn't know her first name was Always."

Paddy & Seamus are in a pub watching the Tour de France on wide-screen tv. It is a grueling alpine stage: the cyclists are toiling up a steep grade in driving rain. The riders are soaked to the skin from the rain and covered in their own sweat. Their faces are etched with pain and exhaustion.
Paddy: “I dunno why those blokes do that. It’s sheer torture.”
Seamus: “It’s a race, man. Somebody’s gotta win it.”
Paddy: “Yeah, I get that bit. But why are the others doin’ it?”

What do you get if you give Viagra to a 14 year old?
A 15 year old with carpal tunnel syndrome.

If there is one thing I hate, it is those people knocking at your door saying that you need to be saved or burn in a hellish fire.

Boy I hate firemen.

So hot in our part of the world nowadays, you have to feed your chickens icecream to stop them from laying boiled eggs...

The zero said to the eight "your belt is a bit tight!".

[Reset]

Father: Son, you should do more for School, in your age, George Washington was first in class.
son: In your age he was president of the United States!

Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua. But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day.

With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.
“Fifty dollars!” she would cry out from the curb.

“No, Five dollars!” fired back Clinton ..





This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.
He’d run by and she’d yell, “Fifty dollars!” And he’d yell back, “Five dollars!”

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog! As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the “pro” would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he’d really been doing on all his past outings.
He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker!

Bill tried to avoid the prostitute’s eyes as she watched the pair jog past. Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled…
See what you get for five bucks!?”

"I just shot my first turkey!", said the old timer.
"Really scared the daylights out of the people in the cold meats department!"

Originally posted by moonbus
Paddy & Seamus are in a pub watching the Tour de France on wide-screen tv. It is a grueling alpine stage: the cyclists are toiling up a steep grade in driving rain. The riders are soaked to the skin from the rain and covered in their own sweat. Their faces are etched with pain and exhaustion.
Paddy: “I dunno why those blokes do that. It’s sheer torture.”
S ...[text shortened]... ’s gotta win it.”
Paddy: “Yeah, I get that bit. But why are the others doin’ it?”

Thirteen year old catholic boy sat outside his house crying.
A passer by asked 'whats wrong' ?
'Me Ma just died' wailed the boy.
'I will fetch the priest 'says the passer by.
'don't bother' says the boy.
'Sex is the last thing on my mind'.

Originally posted by Captain Strange
Thirteen year old catholic boy sat outside his house crying.
A passer by asked 'whats wrong' ?
'Me Ma just died' wailed the boy.
'I will fetch the priest 'says the passer by.
'don't bother' says the boy.
'Sex is the last thing on my mind'.