Jokes

What's an astrnouts most favourite part of a computer?

The space bar

A blonde is sitting alone in a bar.
Two fellas come in, and sit either side of her.
One orders: Jack Daniels, single.
The other one orders: Johnny Walker, single.
The blonde goes: Debbie Walters, divorced!

A blonde goes to pick up her little black dress from the dry cleaners.
As she is leaving the woman behind the counter says 'come again dear.'
The blonde turns round and says 'actually it was toothpaste this time you nosey old bitch.'

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.
Blonde
“We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don’t have a ladder.”
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement, and announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, “Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”

@torunn said
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.
Blonde
“We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don’t have a ladder.”
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her hand ...[text shortened]... eer shook his head and laughed, “Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”

@suzianne said
Nice. Very nice. 😍

If alcohol can damage your short term memory just imagine what alcohol could do.

Why did the sad ghost use an elevator?

To lift his spirits.

They say that if you lose one sense your other senses are enhanced.
This is why people with no sense of humour have a heightened sense of self -importance.

Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.

I thought to myself, "The streets seem strangely desserted..."

@Ghost-of-a-Duke
Funny Mr ghost,I am a bit ghostly myself.

@david-burton said
@Ghost-of-a-Duke
Funny Mr ghost,I am a bit ghostly myself.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
Nothing wrong sir with being spirited.

@david-burton said
Shall we drink to that?.

@phil3000 said
What do you call a Spaniard that has had his car stolen ?...Carlos
Spanish archer .....El bow