School teacher says to his junior class
" ok kiddies ,when you come back to school tomorrow I want you to tell me a short story about your way home today "
The next day the school teacher asked his class what they saw on the way home .
" little jack, what did you see on the way home yesterday "
" I saw a red bus drive past full of people sir "
" ok, and little sarah what did you see on the way home / "
" I saw a helicopter fly overhead sir "
" right ,little johnny what did you see on the way home ?
" I saw a dog with a puncture sir "
" a dog with a puncture ,how did you know the dog had a puncture ? " asked the puzzled teacher .
" I saw another dog pumping it up sir " replied little johnny
One year, at the Westminster Dog Show, a Pit Bull breeder was bragging to a Dachshund breeder. "Of course, I have to be careful breeding Pit Bulls, since they are so mean."
"I know what you mean", said the Dachshund breeder. "I have the same problem."
"What are you talking about?" said the Pit Bull man. "Everybody knows Pit Bulls are the meanest dogs bred."
"Not so", said the Dachshund guy.
The Pit Bull breeder couldn't take that. "Tell you what. You make the meanest dachshund you can. I'll make the meanest pit bull I can, and we'll meet here next year to settle this."
A year went by, and the Pit Bull guy found the Dachshund breeder at the Show.
"Look here", he said, and opened up a huge cage. Out came the biggest, meanest Pit Bull ever created. "Where's your doxie?"
"Right here", said the Dachshund man, as he opened up his cage. Out stepped a nine-foot long dachshund!
The Pit Bull took one look, snarled, and attacked. The dachshund stood still, and at the last second, snatched the Pit Bull in his mouth and swallowed him whole!
"Damn!", said the Pit Bull breeder. "I hired the best genetic scientist I could find, and we found the absolute perfect dogs to breed and create that beast. He was the meanest one I ever saw. What the heck did you do?"
"Well", said the Dachshund breeder, "I just found a plastic surgeon who could make a crocodile look like a Dachshund."
Originally posted by John OsmarWhat is the smallest book in the world ?
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
The Italian book of war heroes ....
Did you hear about the hunch back that slipped and fell on the floor and didn't get up for two hours because he rocked himself to sleep trying to get back up .