Here are my comments on the prose entries. I did not try not to be too rude. Any criticism should be taken personally.
An affair: Present and Future - The writing style is fanciful and pretentious, I like it. However, the initials are an s of a b to read. I half expected it to end with "today's story was brought to you by the letter L." Ever heard of an alias?
Unleashed - Excellent piece of writing. I like how it combines psychosis and philosophy of reality.
Dealer's Choice - The conversation is fast paced and easy to read. Might make a good scene in a book but is not really strong enough to stand on it's own.
The Hungry Hand of God - Brilliant. 'Tis not easy to write this genre without sounding predictable but I think the author did a pretty good job of making it original. The last paragraph in particular was well written. Not too sure about the last sentence though...
Edgar’s Night Class - I hope one day you will learn to count to 500. (This is my way of saying I didn't read it due to it being way over the word limit, sorry.)
Blight - I enjoyed seeing the completely different experiences of people even though they are all in the same context. Very realistic. Last time I was in church I found myself watching other people and wondering what they're thinking and how many are actually paying any attention at all.
Entertaining Saint Jude - Not bad. Descriptive and believable.
Percival the Sandwich - This would make a great children's book. Illustrated, and sold with a coupon for "buy one get one free" sandwich.
500 words - Light and entertaining but nothing too special.
Cipela (Shoe) - You can always tell when someone puts time and effort into their writing...maybe someday you will learn to do that too.
Return Journey - This has some very nice imagery. Doesn't really tie in together though. I thought it would have been better if there was more of a story or at least more unity in the piece.
Slime - The most creative piece. Well done.
Midnight Special - A little too surreal. I am still trying to decide what I think of it.
The Interview - I missed the reference completely the first time I read this, because I'm stupied. After I was told that though I can see it is quite clever. Not sure about the last two sentences.
Untitled - Ah yes, the Diary of a Mad Bitter Woman. I felt like the author tried to develop a character and failed. You were under the word count and it could probably have been improved if you used the remaining words to develop it better and maybe add some depth.
Writer's Block - I got the same annoyed and bored feeling from reading this as I do when I have writer's block. Unfortunately, I don't think that was intentional.
Bits and pieces - Here, again, the last sentence was unnecessary. Some of you just don't seem to know when to stop writing. (Some should never start). Otherwise it was good.
Metal Detecting Dad's Head - Cute. The author made more development and description than 500 words have a right to ask for.
Burnt Toast - Interesting. Manages to convey the messages it intends to. It really is almost tragically easier to ignore people's problems than get involved...
Two Letter Lipo_ram - Hilarious in that delightfully disturbing sort of way.
The post that was quoted here has been removedWhy not? For, what is so extremely hard or time consuming about getting 500 words carefully stitched together in order to depict some genuine images and ideas of yours? Nordlys, BdN, Gatecrasher, chronicleaky and the rest participants of this Prose amongst else would not be under the slightest pressure I reckon -it's fun actually, therefore it seems to me that they will probably welcome the next one🙂
So kindly please do get a new thread for the RHP Prose 2009 II and let's roll😵
Originally posted by black beetleIf there is a competition, I will write prose. In fact, I'll submit as my entry my judgments on the recent competition...
Why not? For, what is so extremely hard or time consuming about getting 500 words carefully stitched together in order to depict some genuine images and ideas of yours? Nordlys, BdN, Gatecrasher, chronicleaky and the rest participants of this Prose amongst else would not be under the slightest pressure I reckon -it's fun actually, therefore it seems to ...[text shortened]... next one🙂
So kindly please do get a new thread for the RHP Prose 2009 II and let's roll😵